8/1/07

So much as happened since my last blog. SOOO much. I have been trying to figure out all night how to squeeze it all on the newsletter and then I remembered I have this blog! Yes! The good stuff that's happened is that I adopted a female bunny to be my male bunny's companion. The people at The Bunny Bunch informed me that bunnies are companion animals and they become destructive and depressed if they don't have friends. I guess it makes sense. How would you like to live with beings that didn't speak your language, ever? So it's this whole dragged out process. They introduced him to a bunch of girlbunns and none were matches...until he found the one that looks exactly like him! LOL He's so conceited! I named her "Terabithia" because I just saw that movie and she reminds me of a "new unexplored land" and speaking of land, she also is very grounding. "Terra" is the latin root meaning of "earth" and she is VERY "earthy". So she's Terra for short! I'll upload some pics for you to see. They are truly in love. It's sweet!! And since I'm talking about my animals, I also drove to Az one Friday and got Zimba from my ex-boyfriend. He moved to Washington D.C. and Zimba is 12 years old and since I miss him so much, I decided it was time that he come live with me in Los Angeles. I am so happy he's here! It's very grounding to have pets. There is something about just filling the water bowls that gives me a great sense of calm. I may have little affect on the rest of the world, but with them, I am a Goddess. :-)

The film... I can't wait to finish the documentary and I don't say that from a place of impatience but rather one of excitement for the project. I feel like my vision for the film has turned a corner and I can feel it's totality a little more inside of me. Where there used to be big, grey, fuzzy areas in my mind, now are replaced with ideas for narration, shots, and music. I think this has happened for a couple of reasons. One, I think the LA Film Festival really inspired me to have a completed film in a festival. I can see that it is then that the work really begins in getting the word out about your film. (I started early! lol) Two, I feel like I'm ready to step into my dream and therefore, I am ready to complete how I organize my journey into the film. And last, I attended a Film Composer's Expo with Dapo Torimiro this past week. It was amazing to be around such talented composers! Music is a very important part of film for me and even though I'm making a documentary, it will be an important part of my film as well. Dapo is scorring my documentary. He's already started with a couple of pieces that have really inspired some shooting ideas.

So personally... how have I been? Gosh, I have good days and then I have bad days. I think I like this journey though because the quality of the information that I get has drastically improved lately. I am meeting some top quality dreamers that are inspiring me to keep going. Sandy Grason, author of Journalution and this month's IN THE SPOTLIGHT dreamer is particularly inspring to me. I love how she expresses the whole idea of manifesting a dream. It's so clear!! One thing that's kind of weird about me is this intense fear of death that I have. I don't usually talk about it but I feel the need to bring it up in this blog. I have always thought about my own mortality and have since I was very young. Perhaps that is what contributes to my preserverance with my goals. I don't have the luxury of getting caught up in my day-to-day life and goals because I'm always accutely aware of my limited time here on earth. I worry about who will take care of my pets and my website when I am gone! (I want the bunnies to go back to The Bunny Bunch if something should happen to me. lol!) Also, who will tell the people on my email list that I am gone? When you no longer get emails from me, will you wonder where I went and investigate it? I know this is morbid but this is what I think of. And it used to inspire me to make stuff happen in my life but sometimes it actually causes me to freeze and develop a "what's the use?" attitude that I can't stand! I feel like there is no way I'll be able to accomplish the level of stuff I want to accomplish in my life and so I literally freeze up! In the work that I've done with myself on this issue I have come to the realization that I start to think about this kind of stuff when I am afraid of something in my life. It's like a form of escapism. I really, really, really want out of working in an office full-time. I want my art to sustain me financially. I feel like I'm about to burst. Maybe the solution is close... And then I get the honor of interviewing Sandy Grason in this month's IN THE SPOTLIGHT and everything she says just resonates with me. I love the part where she talks about fear being a PART of your dream. That is so true. I think I used to think that the fear would go away when I was living my dream but that's the furthest from the truth. Every time I do something bigger and better, I am terrified! But the payoff is worth it. Another major thing that resonated with me from Sandy's answers was her whole "marinating" thing. I TOTALLY GET THAT! I think that's what I hate about a full-time job. I never get to just BE and pull away and MARINATE in my own energy. I need to do that from time to time. Getting 2 weeks of vacation days a year from a full-time job isn't enough. If I didn't have to have surgery or visit out-of-town family or friends, sure, maybe ...MAYBE, it would suffice, but it's just not enough ME time to properly pull inward and just BE and reflect. I need that and I've been feeling like I'm running on empty for months and months. I took a mini vacation and I did start to feel stronger but again, I need more time. So that is something I will focus on and work on in my meditations. TIME! :-) Speaking of which, I have go to bed! More in September, my FAVORITE MONTH!! FALL = CHANGE!